Why So Disagreeable?

Have you noticed that people seem incredibly disagreeable today? Rather than acknowledge the merits of a political proposal, some almost reflexively deflect to ad hominem attacks having no relationship to the merits of the proposal. Instead of saying amen when someone affirms a religious truth, many immediately bring up an unrelated matter about which they disagree. Why the rush to disagree?

I regularly hear people note the increasing difficulty of meaningful engagement today. Yet, many who complain are sometimes guilty of ignoring areas of agreement in their thirst to highlight areas of disagreement. This only adds to the difficulty. Why not begin by acknowledging common ground? I am not referring to passing platitudes on the way to arguing. Why not pause long enough to acknowledge relevant areas of agreement before diving headlong into areas of difference? Why the rush to disagree? Are we afraid the disagreements will evaporate if we pause long enough to confirm our commonality? They will not.

Ideas are not good or bad because they are held by people in certain groups. Instead of attacking people, we should truly evaluate proposals. If we cannot separate the merits from the messenger, this is a sure indicator of our bias, and it may be evidence of our bigotry. The only “dangers” of acknowledging agreement are avoiding dishonesty, hypocrisy, and unnecessary extremes. Oh, and yes, this makes it harder to vilify people we disagree with on a particular matter.

I do not suggest overlooking substantial disagreements. However, we should approach and work to resolve differences in their proper contexts. Spouses occasionally disagree about important matters. If they harp on their differences without acknowledging their mutual love and goals, their marriages will be miserable and probably will not last. The same is true in our churches and in larger society. I can say amen to your understanding about salvation while expressing concerns regarding your thinking about worship, and I can learn something from you on both subjects, especially when we both sincerely desire to please the Lord. Likewise, we can work together on caring for the poor while disagreeing on the best immigration policies.

Too many people today are extreme, hostile, and unwilling to truly listen. Friends, we can agree on certain subjects and strongly disagree on others while still loving and respecting one another. Yes, we can. We can be more patient in judgment and more moderate in our attitudes. Yes, we can. So let’s do that instead of being so disagreeable.