The third edition of The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, published by Baker Books in 2004, discusses the biblical approach to conflict resolution. The author, Ken Sande, is a lawyer, church elder, and full-time Christian conciliator. Thus, he offers a credible voice on the subject matter. His basic premise is that Christian peacemakers can turn conflict into an opportunity to strengthen relationships, preserve valuable resources, and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Christ. Consequently, the book is designed to help readers eschew worldly ideas about resolving conflict and become better Christian peacemakers. In twelve chapters, Sande explores four basic principles, all of which are reinforced with real-life illustrations: (1) glorify God (chapters 1–3); (2) get the log out of your eye (chapters 4–6); (3) gently restore (chapters 7–9); and (4) go and be reconciled (chapters 10–12).
Chapter 1, "Conflict Provides Opportunities," presents Sande’s foundational principle that conflict provides opportunities to glorify God, to serve others, and to grow in Christ-likeness. He discusses three basic ways people respond to conflict: escape responses, attack responses, and peacemaking responses. He explains that conflict is not necessarily bad, and disagreement can lead to positive results. Ultimately, Sande counsels, “As you live out the gospel and make the Lord's priorities your priorities, you can turn every conflict into a stepping-stone to a closer relationship with God and a more fulfilling and fruitful Christian life” (41).
Chapter 2, "Live at Peace," explains that peacemaking is not an optional activity for believers because peace is part of God’s character. Moreover, God requires believers to earnestly seek peaceful, harmonious relationships with others, in part, because it is an essential element in Christian witness. This understanding sets the stage for the ensuing chapters, which show how believers are to pursue peach once conflict disrupts their relationships.
Chapter 3, "Trust in the Lord and Do Good," discusses God’s love and power as bases for human trust and obedience. Sande includes this material because, when one is involved in conflict, he must decide whether or not to trust God. In Sande’s estimation, trusting God allows one to view conflicts as opportunities. He devotes the bulk of the chapter to discussing reasons God is, in fact, worthy of human trust. Among other things, God is trustworthy because of his power, his goodness, and his track record. When conflict arises, then, people should trust God regarding the manner in which they approach it.
Chapter 4, "Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?", advises conflicting parties to consider several factors that might help them avoid conflicts. First, they are to examine their own contribution to the problem by, among other things, defining the issues, overlooking minor offenses, and checking their attitudes in light of God’s Word. A proper understanding in these areas can help one avoid unnecessary skirmishes with others. A second significant line of inquiry concerns counting the potentially substantial costs of unresolved conflict. These costs can include loss of time, property and money, but they may also include lost relationships and reputations.
Chapter 5, "Conflict Starts in the Heart," deals with the genesis of conflict in the human heart and describes its progression from desire to demand to judgment of others and punishment for perceived failure. In this chapter, Sande recommends that looking to God is the cure for the idolatrous heart that results from this progression.
In Chapter 6, titled "Confession Brings Freedom," Sande describes the restoration process, which involves repentance, self-examination, confession, and personal change, and emphasizes dealing honestly with one’s contribution to a conflict. The “Seven A’s of Confession” receive the greatest treatment in this chapter. These include (1) addressing everyone involved; (2) avoiding “if,” “but,” and “maybe (3) admitting specifically; (4) acknowledging the hurt; (5) accepting the consequences; (6) altering one’s behavior; and (7) asking for forgiveness (and allowing time). The thesis here is that thorough confession facilitates true forgiveness so that reconciliation can occur.
Chapter 7, "Just between the Two of You," discusses how one party to a conflict can assist the other by helping the other see his error. The chapter explores basic guidelines about timing and approach when talking directly to another about his contribution to the conflict. Here, Sande suggests it is important to ensure the intensity of the communication fits the urgency of the situation. While overlooking a fault is ideal, when appropriate, some sins are too serious to ignore. Sande recommends direct confrontation with the truth is necessary when the sin is dishonoring God, damaging the relationship, hurting others, or hurting the offender.
Chapter 8, "Speak the Truth in Love," rather naturally follows on the idea of direct confrontation. Here, Sande examines communication principles and skills essential to healthy conflict resolution. The chapter briefly considers listening and speaking and provides several helpful keys to effective listening, including waiting, attending, clarifying, reflecting and agreeing. Regarding speaking, Sande commends gracious, charitable, and loving speech.
Chapter 9, "Take One or Two Others Along," includes a thorough discussion of the second and third steps in Jesus’s prescription of reconciliation. It provides helpful suggestions for people seeking help from one or more mediators and provides clear guidance regarding the mediator’s role and the congregation’s responsibilities.
In Chapter 10, "Forgive as God Forgave You," Sande explains that Christians should be the most forgiving people in the world because they are the most forgiven. In expounding upon this notion, he avers that forgiveness is a decision one makes rather than a feeling, forgetting, or excusing of another’s poor behavior. The chapter depicts forgiveness as a two-step process involving (1) the attitude of forgiveness and (2) the granting of forgiveness. The first is unconditional while the second is contingent on the offender’s repentance. Sande also provides several keys to overcoming difficulties in forgiving others. The keys include confirming repentance, renouncing sinful attitudes and expectations, and remembering God’s forgiveness.
Chapter 11, "Look Also to the Interests of Others," asserts principles for reaching agreements on material issues in a biblically faithful manner. The principles are employing a cooperative style, preparing, affirming respect and concern for one’s opponent, understanding the opponent’s interests, searching for creative solutions, and evaluating options objectively and reasonably. Sande’s basic premise here is that negotiations do not have to be painful. If people search for mutually beneficial solutions and consider one another’s interests in doing so, favorable results are much more likely.
Chapter 12, "Overcome Evil with Good," acknowledges that, despite one’s best efforts, negotiations do not always go as well as one might like. Here, Sande revisits various principles elucidated elsewhere in the book and suggests that they should be employed in the face of strenuous opposition, but he acknowledges that there are limits to one’s ability to make peace with others. One who does all that God requires to make peace has fulfilled his responsibility and must leave the rest to God.
The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict is designed to help believers be the peacemakers God desires. It is very practical, filled with biblical references, and offers challenging self-examination questions at the end of each chapter. Christians and congregations will better understand what the Bible teaches about maintaining unity and peace and reducing conflict when they read this book.